I never deeply thought about a broken family has such a huge impact on me. My lack of security on my relationship, my cautious, my bad temper...I don't know why ppl can be this imperfect. I used to think I'm a good person, at least I'm a person who knows how to control myself, but after I fell in love I realized that all the things, theories I 'v got are totally bullshit. I cannot control myself at all, even a single moment, I'm freaking irrational, self-indulgent; even though, sometimes, I know I was absolutely wrong and acting stupid, I just cannot let myself stop.
Another thing always bothers me is my boyfirend's x. I know I should let the x be the x, but this is such a tough task. I cannot stop peeking her blog, how pathetic am I... sigh... Sometimes I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to have a boyfriend like him, smart, polite, knows how to social with others which I can never be an expert on that area till I die, and he made me happy, though I cry, yep, I could cry every single day, I'm a cry baby, but most of time being with him are simple and wonderful, although I know all of these, I just can't stop doing those stupid things, and thinking those wasted stuff.
what shall I do?? what heck is wrong with me?
why when we critic others we always feel sooooo easy, it's like we born with that critic thing, we know all the right things and wrong things, and we always awakening, and always prepare to say something sooo right. However, when we talking about ourselves or when we face the same situations we could just do wrong, suddenly we change into another person, and this new person can do anything right even he/she knows this is so damn wrong. Why this kind of thing always happen in the relationship, and they happen so simply?
too many questions in my head, and my tiny little brain obviously cannot answer it all. tired, sleepy, guess go to bed,have a nice sleep is the most right thing of the right things I should and I really have to do. I know I'll forget all the lines I wrote here after having a sweet dream, but I also know that there will be another night I couldn't close my eyes and come here to write more bullshit than I'm doing right now.
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